It's two days away--the day that, if I'm being honest, I have dreaded since the day he was born. The day always seemed so far away. "I'm so glad that I have such a long time until then," I would think. Well...it's here. Once I realized how quickly the years were actually going, I tried so hard to slow down time. The day has arrived anyway. Yes, it's true. My oldest son starts kindergarten on Monday. There's an ache in my chest, in my heart, in my head that just won't go away. I told my husband last night that my greatest fear is that I didn't soak in enough moments during the last five, almost six, years of my boy being home with me. My husband's response? "No matter what, I don't think you will ever feel like you had enough time with him. It goes by so quickly, whether we like it or not."
He's right. It's never enough time. There are never enough slow mornings. There are never enough hugs. There are never enough eating cookies together while little brother naps. There are never enough adventures. There are never enough moments knowing that he loves me...more
There's something to be said about simplicity, isn't there? Slower, less demand, fewer moving pieces--I've found that it is something I greatly desire for my life and my family life. Too many activities and commitments=higher stress & less enjoyment for me. I keep a Google Calendar (What did I do before Google Calendar???? How did I keep my life organized???) and last year, I started to also post a weekly calendar in our kitchen where everyone could see what the week ahead looked like. Some people love have a busy schedule and something planned every day of the week. Me? I need at least two days each week with nothing major/social planned.
I haven't always lived life this way. It might surprise some of you to hear that I was quite the social butterfly in high school. Yes! Me! But then college came along and my first two years (and parts of year three) had some experiences and relationships that deeply damaged my feelings of self worth, my confidence, and my ability to fully open up to people. Let me tell you---it takes a while to come back from that. Those...more
I love reading blogs---thank goodness because writing a blog when I don't like reading blogs would be kind of weird... I love writing. I love words. I love how simply reading words, not even hearing their voice or seeing their face, but how reading their words can bring forth such emotion. I've felt annoyed, angry, excited, happy, but mostly encouraged by blogs. Part of that is of course my own doing because I don't especially want to return to a blog that brings about negative emotions. I loved blogs before having kids but when I became a mom, reading blogs during late night feedings was so encouraging to me. I've been following many blogs for years and after awhile, I was reading so many blogs that I finally broke down and started using a blog reader. Well...I just Googled it and it's technical name is "news aggregator". But....blog reader is just easier to type... Anyway, I used Google Reader for lots of years and much to my dismay, Google shut it down and now I use a site called Feedly to keep track of the almost fifty blogs that I follow. Yes, you read that...more
----This was one of the first things that I read this morning on Instagram and I have been thinking about it all day. While I considered simply reposting it (I post a lot of the FIT4MOM Grand Rapids Instagram content), it's a bit lengthier than usual Instagram posts and I was worried that people would simply scroll on by and not soak in all of the words. Not that more people will read it by me posting it on the blog but...maybe? :-) It just hit me as something very applicable to our community that we have within FIT4MOM Grand Rapids and, honestly, the community that we have or should have as mothers and as women.----more
Oh goodness, everyone. It's been awhile, huh? The sad thing is I don't have a good excuse for not writing. Well, this post kind of discusses my "excuses" but, in short, I'm just thankful Marissa trusts that I will eventually post another blog at some point. :-D
You know the phrase, "Waiting for the other shoe to drop"?? Have you ever found yourself at that point? If you haven't, I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of jealous of you.... :-) April and May fell into that "waiting for the next bad thing to happen" category. Honestly, the issues that we dealt with are not that huge in the grand scheme of life and they are problems that many would rather put up with than their current situation. I completely acknowledge that and sometimes that fact makes it challenging for me to share struggles with others. I don't want to be a complainer. I don't want to make a big deal out of a situation that will rectify itself in a relatively short amount of time. But, at the same time, I'm trying harder...more
I was extremely fortunate enough last week to need to have a crown placed on one of my teeth (and a cavity filled, too). Have you ever had a dental crown appointment? Can't remember how long ago exactly but eight to ten years ago I had to get a root canal & crown done on a tooth that had impact trauma from a childhood fall onto cement. I've had fairly good luck with pain management for dental procedures so I didn't find either procedure to be painful but do remember it taking a very very long time. So, going into the appointment last week, I was prepared for periods of waiting for medicine to set in, cement to cure, etc. In my continued quest to read more books this year, I brought along the current book I was reading--"Chasing Slow" by Erin Loechner (HIGHLY recommend, by the way!). Apparently not many people bring books with them to dentist appointments (imagine that...) so this led to some conversations with the dentist and his assistants about books, topics I enjoyed, blogging (Erin Loechner has been blogging for over a decade). Well, to say "conversations" is being a...more
I try my best to not let my extreme sentimentality make me sad but some days, it's just too much to handle. When my oldest son was two, I remember thinking, "Thank goodness he'll be almost six when he starts kindergarten. I still have four more years with him at home with me." My head and my heart feel like I was just thinking those thoughts yesterday, yet here I am---less than five months from sending him off to kindergarten every day.
I am definitely thankful that 1) we were able to find a school that still offers half day kindergarten and 2) we have been slowly progressing towards him being gone every morning. He did two morning preschool last year and is in three morning preschool this year. I have learned that this progression is possibly just as necessary for me as it is for him. Still...it's hard to imagine only having weekend mornings with him starting next year. I love slow mornings. I love enjoying the morning light and not having to be on a strict schedule every day. Simply put: I love being with him.
I know. I know. I'll still have summer breaks...more
"You should have done more with your kids today." "The TV is on way too much." "Your kids are growing fast! How dare you get annoyed at them!" "Don't you love your children? Why would you be excited for them to go to bed?" "You definitely eat too many Cheetos. Don't you know that you should be eating organic kale instead?" "You're not keeping up with your reading for your book group." "Why aren't you working out more?"
Welcome, my friends, to some of the words of my Inner Critic. We all have one--as a human being, as a women, as a mother. On the sunshiny, smooth-sailing days, Inner Critic's voice tends to be silent or at least incredibly faint. But those other days? Inner Critic has lots of opinions to share and sometimes it just takes so much effort to silence that ridiculous voice within. Where do these thoughts come from? Is there any truth to these opinions? How do I silence Inner Critic or, at the very least, how do I learn to ignore Inner Critic?
I don't have a solid answer for you. I feel like I squash some guilty feeling and...more